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THE ROLES OF THE GROOM’S PARENTS

At first glance it may appear that the parents of the groom do not play a particularly big role in the wedding ceremony, being overshadowed by the parents of the bride. Whilst the responsibilities of the parents of the groom are not high profile, they are very important.


Support your son.  First and foremost, your job is to support your son. As you may know from personal experience, getting married is a big step in any man’s life, and you should be a source of advice and help where needed. You can also help your son with any nerves on the big day.


Foot the bill?  Whilst it is traditionally the father of the bride’s responsibility to pay for his daughter’s wedding, in modern times the arrangements can be more flexible. You may be contributing to the cost of the wedding or even footing the whole bill. In these circumstances you can expect to have some degree of input into the decision making process, although you should try not to be seen as interfering.


Sort out your relatives.  In terms of practical assistance before the day, you can take the lead in shepherding your side of the family. When the couple announce their wedding date, and you know who is to be invited, make sure all the guests in your family knows the date as soon as possible.


The ceremony.


On the day itself, your son’s best man should be looking after him, but you can do the same. At the ceremony the best man sits next to the groom, but you should be on the same row, or the row behind. If he’s nervous, reassure him.


The photographs.


After the ceremony there will usually be a few formal photographs, and you may be in quite a few of them, so don’t disappear. Again you can help here by shepherding your own family for any photos for which they are required – photographers have a really tough job collecting people for these family shots.


The receiving line.


At the reception, there may be a receiving line. The order for this is usually mother of the bride, father of the bride, mother of the groom, father of the groom, bride, groom. Do your bit to greet the guests, and make a special effort to remember names of people you haven’t met before.


Remember that receiving lines are very difficult to organise and you can’t allow yourself to be drawn into long conversations. Try not to hold up the line, and if your wife is next to you, try to keep an eye on her too!


The meal.  


During the meal, there is likely to be a top table. The conventional seating order is, one one side, the groom, bride’s mother, groom’s father and then the chief bridesmaid on the end. On the other side, the bride, the bride’s father, the groom’s mother and then the best man on the end.


The speeches.  


After the meal, the speeches will take place. The traditional speeches are the father of the bride, the groom, and then the best man. The father of the groom is not supposed to make a speech – it’s the best man’s job to speak about your son and to “introduce him” to the bride’s family. However, fathers of the groom do sometimes break with convention, particularly if they are paying for part of the wedding and therefore effectively a “co-host”. If you want to do this it is a good idea to check with you son and future daughter-in-law that they don’t mind.


There is no rule about where you slot in the running order, but the best place is probably after your son. The best man’s speech is really the highlight, and you don’t want to come after and risk either upstaging him, or being seen a damp squib.